My Great Big Feckin’ Farm
Four Blokes
MY GREAT BIG FECKIN’ FARM
Back in 2022, a band of teenage upstarts filed into a shed at the bottom of a backyard in Sholing to begin recording their debut album. 3 years later - after several lifetimes of joy and terror alike - it is finally ready for release. Our production team of Tiago Martins (who also plays most of the instruments on this record) and Finn Darke have lovingly scraped the rust off these relics and made them properly rocking. The 14 songs contained within will take you on a journey for the senses; musically there are overtones of punk rock but the refined pallete will pick up on notes of reggae, funk, nu-metal and even the occasional waltz. On the lyrical front you will hear adventures of dogging, tales of femme fatales and accidental infidels, and the most instances of the word Munter in a commercially released song. Catchy choruses with tounge firmly in cheek, apart from the occasional heartfelt moment of love... "My Great Big Feckin' Farm" is yours to have and to hold. From a bluetooth speaker by a barbecue, from headphones on a national express coach... let our music serenade your days.
TRACK LISTING
1) Cara
2) Mango
3) I Can’t Help Being A Lover
4) Click My Fingers
5) Party Drug
6) Everybody Is In Love With You
7) Synchronise
8) Light Of The Lord
9) The Desert Song
10) Darker
11) Garden Of Eden
12) Munter Munter Munter
13) Popworld
14) Torture
Writing
Thumbnail of the original 2019 Torture
With the exception of Torture, the songs on the album were written in dribs and drabs from the band’s formation in October 2021 until the final days of 2022. Torture traces its origins back to 2019, in a hotel lobby in Hamburg - the original version, which clocks in at 55 seconds, can still be found on YouTube. It found popularity not only amongst school friends but also as a search result for “cock and ball torture” (this is a statistical fact) and that early version is still the most most listened to song I have ever uploaded online to my dismay.
The bus stop where I came up with Party Drug
Skipping forward 2 years to just after Four Blokes whimpered into being, Darker was the first song purpose-made for the band. Other songs written in this infantile period of the band - such as Beer and Crisps, Miss Majorca, and Gladys - were lost to time due to their shitness. The only other song dating back to 2021 is Party Drug, written as a biography of a drug-addled couple I saw at a bus stop in Millbrook and later brought to life by Tiago’s funky bassline.
The cover photo for Popworld
2022 began with the writing of Popworld, the verse and chorus melodies hummed out in voice memos and the comic tale of a pathetic protagonist’s plight to enter a nightclub underage. The slow section in the second verse is inspired by Lankum’s version of Irish rebel song Sergeant William Bailey. This was followed by One of a Kind, which was written around the 2 or 3 lines I liked a song I'd binned and combined with a riff Tiago had laying around. One of a Kind itself was itself deemed too shite and too repetitive for inclusion on the album. Mango came a few weeks later, written immediately after I’d written Raisin and thought I was onto something, but not quite there... Mango was written in 8 minutes while I drank a pint of Pernod.
Playing Munter the day we wrote it
Everybody is in Love with You was written in the port of Lisbon, one of 14 songs written in as many days. A solo album of these tracks was conceptualised, but only The Spanish Journalist was ever made.. Munter Munter Munter followed, which came about during rehearsals for our first gig on a day Tiago hadn’t showed up. The other three members at the time co-wrote it. There is in fact a real Munter - it could be said they are “the Munter from Munter Munter Munter” - but I shan’t reveal who it is as I have developed the capacity for compassion since.
Tiago writing Cara
After injesting some blue powder outside St. Mary’s Church, me and Tiago wrote Cara. This is the only song we properly co-wrote from scratch together. In a moment of divine intervention, Tiago pulled the bassline out of thin air after being asked to “play something bluesy”. He is pictured above furiously plucking away in a dark room... the lyrics were written between the two of us and I came up with the chorus melody inspired by the theme music to “The Chase” gameshow. Synchronise came shortly after, after Tiago pointed at some out of Belisha Beacons that were flashing out of sync and said “you could even write a song about that”. The original pre-chorus was thrown on the bonfire and new basslines and a 3rd verse would come to replace it in 2024. The “woah-oh-oh” was improvised in rehearsals after we decided to double the legnth of the verses but I hadn’t written any more words. We then tried to repeat Cara’s fantastic co-writing experience with Light of The Lord, sat together with a bottle of whiskey and an acoustic guitar by Miller’s Pond. It didn’t go quite as swimmingly but we came out the other side with a record; Tiago showed up with the verse melody claiming I had written it - what he had actually done was subconsciously write something he thought I would write.
A writer at work
As autumnal earth tones faded away to pale winter, I came up with Click my Fingers after literally clicking my fingers to open an automatic door. I added a waltz opening because I thought it was funny. The lines about two drunk men heckling me while I was “getting it on” in a park are genuinely autobiographical. Desert Song came to exist after we were locked out of the rehearsal shed on the first day of preparations for our Heartbreakers headline. Tiago made up the melody on his bass in the corner of my lounge, me and George scribbled lyrics out on post-it-notes, and my Nan ferried cups of tea to and fro. As for I Can’t Help Being A Lover, I can remember being rather stoned and turning to Tiago to say “I’ve got it! I’ve got the new song! It’s called I Can’t Help Being A Lover”. When he asked how does it go I revealed I only had the title, but I would later go on to write it. An extra verse about accidentally sleeping with the waitress and kitchen staff after trying to take the love interest out for dinner to apologise was later removed as it made the song drag on for fucking ages. The last song penned for the LP was Garden of Eden, which came about while delivering for Domino’s on a bicycle - the original chorus was destroyed and a new one came to me in the shower half a year later.
RECORDING
Tiago during our first session
The first Four Blokes recording session was on 25th March 2022, when me and Tiago taped the original version of Popworld in the shed at the bottom of my garden. All further recording would take place here apart from a few special occasions. I farted into the microphone and this is still audible in the song if you are willing to find it. It would be released as a single exactly a month later as April 25th is a national holiday in Tiago’s native Portugal - the anniversary of the peaceful “Carnation Revolution” which would set Portugal on the road to democracy. If you are learning that from the Four Blokes album liner notes I am truly amazed.
Anyways, we then went on to record One of A Kind as a second single - the best part of the song is the first ten seconds with the riff bouncing left and right and it falls off rapidly when the bongos come in. This was the first track to have it’s mixing and mastering outsourced to Josh Walker - to be honest it was the first track to be mixed or mastered at all.
4 Oatz - never even intended for release - was taped al fresco in a playpark in Harefield. Clocking in at over 20 minutes it features 2 solos (one is every note on the guitar in ascending order, the other the other is every note on in descending order), completely improvised lyrics, and real audio of me pissing in a hedge. It has never seen the light of day and I would be surprised if it ever does.
Recording Light of The Lord in bed
The earliest recording actually featured on the album is Mango, which opens with a Fruit Ninja sound effect. On the record you can hear me sing at the wrong time and then point out I sang at the wrong time - we left this in as it amused us. I am equally amused when people send memes about Mangoes to the Four Blokes account - someone even sent a picture of the high street fashion retailer Mango once.
Cara was next to be recorded, or at least part of it, as GarageBand didn’t have the technology for us to have the BPM speed up in the bridge as it did live. The instrumental was taped at my bedroom desk as we’d locked ourselves out the recording shed. By bonfire night we’d found the key and I added vocals, albeit on two tabs. The “what the fuck” during the intro was genuine shock as the blinds slightly moved and the garden beyond looked like a magic eye picture. I was hallucinating Johnny Depp sat next to me the whole session. In that state me and Tiago also thought it would be a good idea to scream “I DON’T KNOW!” down the mic during the bridge.
2 days later we’d record Light of The Lord, the lead vocal of which I sang in bed. We added a completely out-of-place massive fill at the start as we thought it was funny, and a variety of comedy voices such as a hillbilly and a drunk to the choruses. The same day we also recorded Everybody Is In Love With You. The final recording session of the year was for Party Drug, when Myles became the first person other than me and Tiago to feature on a recording. Production of the album was put on hold so we could focus on rehearsal for an important Heartbreakers headline...
Lay down that rhythm track!
In February 2023 we returned to the garden shed for a session on I Can’t Help Being A Lover. We were now planning an EP, styled on the “Super 45” format popular in 60s France, to preview the album. Me on vocals and Tiago on bass as usual but this time George wrote and played the guitar, as well as adding a bloodcurdling scream to the end of the song. A re-recording of Popworld was made for “quality control reasons” to feature on the EP - this time it ended with a house music rendition of the chorus. The same day we began to record The Mist, but never even bothered to finish it. Darker was up next, a different arrangement to the version we’d played live that featured a bass solo. The following afternoon we tackled Munter Munter Munter, with me, Tiago, and Myles all having a shout of “YOU ARE A BIG FAT MUNTER!” looped through the whole song. For whatever reason I insisted on playing bass on this track, probably because it was the only one easy enough for me to play at the time. After a quick session to
re-record some seriously shite vocals on I Can’t Help Being A Lover the EP was finished - it was released on the 1st anniversary of Popworld and the 49th anniversary of the Carnation Revolution. We called it “Slices of Urinal Cake” which I came up with while stood inside a urinal.
George on bass this time round
We went on another break to rehearse - this time for our Joiners headline - then returned to record Garden of Eden in Tiago’s lounge, surrounded by Buddha paraphernalia. After people had requested we play it at the Loft, Torture had become a live favourite and mosh-pit inducer, so we decided to record that for the LP next. We got it half done but ran out of time before my boat to mainland Europe was set to sail... I did squeeze in a quick session re-recording vocals I wasn’t happy with beforehand but almost all of these would be re-recorded too. Nearly 2 months of nothing once again, and then Tiago swung by to add bass to Torture. Another 20 days later I added backing vocals, which Tiago had me stand in the corner of the room like a dunce to do for “natural echo”. The contrast between the calm lead vocal down the middle and the 2 screamed vocals panned either side was an interesting feature. Josh was ignominiously sacked and Finn Darke was brought on as the new Four Blokes producer. I must say his work on Torture was very impressive. The “keep this bit off? Or leave it in? It sounds stupid” was genuine - the half speed outro was saved in the mixing process. In November a very strange line up record the backing track to Click my Fingers - George played the bass, Dawid featured for the only time on the album on guitar, and Tiago played the drums. By the time recording resumed, all three had left the band.
Tiago during our last session
For over 6 months not a single note was recorded. Despite having left the band, Tiago agreed to finish work on the album. In June 2024 the Garden Shed welcomed the 2 of us back as we recorded new single Synchronise. The half a year gap in recording is evident in the stylistic change in Tiago’s guitar work. Click My Fingers also got the vocals it has to wait 209 days for. On July 12th (no thank you - I’m Catholic) we added the missing drums to Click My Fingers, as well as the bridge of Cara, which was now possible as we’d upgraded to Logic! This session was quickly abandoned as we decided we’d rather be smoking a joint. On July 31st, in a session that only took place because GAA training was cancelled, we stormed through everything left to be recorded in a couple of hours. First Tiago added guitar that had been missing from Everybody Is In Love With You for a year and a half, then I overdubbed 3 vocal tracks which I deemed too shite. Some of the guitar lines of Synchronise were re-recorded as, while impressive, Tiago was wanking all over the song juuuust a little. All that was left to do was The Desert Song and after that was completed we’d finally put the album to bed. From start to finish it had taken two years. I’d gone through 4 jobs and 4 partners. Tiago had gone from the first year of college to a university student and even had time for a gap year. Four Blokes had gone through five members. We were unrecognisable both as a band and as people. But My Great Big Feckin’ Farm was done. Well, it needed mixing...
Production
The process of producing our debut album was drawn-out and painful. Original producer Josh had prepared 7 mixes for Four Blokes - One Of A Kind, Mango, the 4 tracks on the EP, and Munter Munter Munter - it was decided these were not good enough, being too quiet and dull and massively lacking low-end.
 |
| Where's my fucking album mate? |
Finn was brought in for production on the Torture single and a master was completed in November 2023 - this is the earliest that appears on the album. After the success of that, he was brought on to master the whole album - a greatly improved 3rd version of Popworld followed in December 2023, then after a long gap a new master of Munter Munter Munter arrived in August 2024. Synchronise followed in September, and was released as a single - album opener Cara was mastered in November, with the "I Don't Know!!!" vocals from the 2 tab session being used to great effect in the bridge. A master of Mango appeared in our inbox in January 2025, and then... nothing for 5 months.
 |
| Completed it mate |
By June 2025 we were tired of waiting and just wanted the album out as soon as possible - some of the tracks were nearly 3 years old and we were mid-way through recording a second album. It was decided that Tiago would produce the rest of the songs, and he powered through most of them in 2 weeks - first was a master of Party Drug with the new vocal take and a new reversed section in the outro, then I Can't Help Being A Lover with a much more audible bassline. The Desert Song recieved it's first master, followed by Garden of Eden, which had laid untouched for 2 years. Everybody Is In Love With You followed, and then a version of Light of The Lord which had been remixed from the master tape as the original Garageband file had been lost to time. Having taken the album from 6 to 12 tracks completed, Tiago jetted off to Portugal and upon return moved into a new house with a load of men, so there was a brief pause in production. On the 20th of July he decided "I'm finishing the album" - Darker arrived in the early afternoon and after a pause for lunch as per musicians union legislation, a master of Click My Fingers arrived in the evening - we celebrated with beer and spliffs.
List OF RECORDING SESSIONS
25th March 2022
Popworld -
Harry (Vocals, Fart)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums)
[Note: this was the single version - not featured on album as it was too shite]
14th June 2022
One of A Kind -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI bongos)
[Note: single only, not featured on album)
13th July 2022
4 Oatz -
Harry (Vocals, Bladder)
Tiago (Guitar, MIDI bongos, backing vocals)
[Note: never released)
28th July 2022
Mango -
Harry (Vocals, Keyboard)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums, backing vocals)
25th September 2022
Cara -
Tiago (Guitar, Bass, MIDI drums)
5th November 2022
Cara -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Backing Vocals)
7th November 2022
Light of The Lord -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums, Backing Vocals)
Everybody is in Love with You -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, MIDI drums)
10th November 2022
Party Drug -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, MIDI drums)
Myles (Guitar)
8th February 2023
I Can't Help Being A Lover -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Backing Vocals)
George (Guitar, MIDI drums, Scream)
9th February 2023
Popworld -
Harry (Vocals, Keyboard)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI Drums)
The Mist -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI Drums)
[Note: song left unfinished, not featured on album]
1st March 2023
Darker -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums)
2nd March 2023
Munter Munter Munter -
Harry (Vocals, Bass)
Tiago (Backing Vocals)
Myles (Guitar, Backing Vocals)
I Can't Help Being A Lover -
Myles (Guitar)
16th March 2023
I Can't Help Being A Lover -
Harry (Vocals)
Darker -
Harry (Vocals)
20th June 2023
Garden of Eden -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Guitar, Bass, MIDI drums)
1st July 2023
Torture -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Guitar, MIDI drums)
2nd July 2023
Various Songs -
Harry (Vocals)
[Note: overdubbing session, unsure which Vocals from this day appear on album. If any.]
September 30th 2023
Torture -
Tiago (Bass)
October 19th 2023
Torture -
Harry (Vocals)
November 30th 2023
Click My Fingers -
Dawid (Guitar)
George (Bass)
Tiago (MIDI drums)
June 26th 2024
Synchronise -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums)
Click My Fingers -
Harry (Vocals)
July 12th 2024
Click My Fingers -
Tiago (MIDI drums)
Cara
Tiago (Bass, MIDI drums)
July 31st 2024
Everybody is in Love with You -
Tiago (Guitar)
Party Drug -
Harry (Vocals)
Mango -
Harry (Vocals)
Darker -
Harry (Vocals)
Synchronise -
Tiago (Guitar)
The Desert Song -
Harry (Vocals)
Tiago (Bass, Guitar, MIDI drums)
LYRICS
(Choruses are in bold)
The writing duo
1) Cara
Rhapsody in powder blue is pulling me up to the sky
Treasure every sight of you, you pull away and softly sigh
Bouncing ‘round this tiny venue, while the bassist plays the riff
Getting rest is off the menu, sleepless nights are not of myth
Oh, and when you touch me baby, don’t you know it’s ecstasy
Think we ought to leave here maybe, touch the waves and smell the sea
Give my body up to drowning in the darkness of your eyes
The golden light of our surrounding slowly fades away and dies
You love me, I love you, let’s go to
a place in the dark where we
can be together and never
See all of the people who
shame us for wanting each other
Your hands going wild on
My body, the darkness our cover
You know how I’m feeling now
You love me, I love you, let’s go to
a place in the dark where we
can be together and never
See all of the people who
shame us for wanting each other
Your hands going wild on
My body, the darkness our cover
You know how I’m feeling now, Cara
Body temperature is rising, covered head to toe with sweat
Pointing you towards horizon, make-up runs, your eyes are wet
Pull your hair, you’re screaming for me, shaking uncontrollably
On the edge of getting gory, bucking hips, weak at the knees
Rustling leaves are getting louder but I can’t be arsed to care
All I feel’s the drip of powder, foxes, owls, and mice and bears
Building up to a crescendo, climax of the night is here
Followed by diminuendo, gasping moans, you’re loving it
(Repeat Chrous)
Mango’s cover photo, in Alicante
2) Mango
Everyone around is watching you dance
They’re thinking “please let me get in your pants”
I want your body, won’t you give me a chance?
A one night stand, I said “fuck the romance”
Tear me limb from limb, pull me apart
I’m not considering what’s in our heart
Let me eat your sweet flesh right from the start
I’ll do my very best at playing the part
Mango, she makes the men go loco
Mango, fireside, hot cocoa
Mango, that scenario’s a no-go
Mango, and in the morning she’s a no-show
Mango, she makes the men go crazy
Mango, she’s one hell of a lady
Mango, oh she might just call you baby
Mango, I wish someone would come and save me
Any guy, she’s just leading him on
Deep in Ibiza drinking Fanta Limon
He falls asleep, he wakes up and she’s gone
Peck on the cheek, half-written love song
Sea and sand and a wicked sun burn
You come here every year but you never learn
You see her strut along with little concern
But you just sit there and you wait for your turn
(Repeat chorus)
She’s wearing shorts but they’re barely there
Ladies look down on her but she couldn’t care
Gives you the eye and the stare’s hard to bare
Looks like heaven but she never plays fair
For half an hour she is acting so sweet
But when you’re used up she’ll leave you on the street
Your heart’s in pain but the lesson’s complete
Don’t come to Spain if you can’t take the heat
(Repeat Chorus)
Everyone around is watching you
Everyone around and around and around
Everyone around is watching you
Everyone around and around and around
Everyone around is watching you
Everyone around and around and around
Everyone around is watching you
Everyone around and around and around
(Repeat chorus)
Mango!
The mysterious “4 Oatz” session
3) I Can’t Help Being A Lover
I frauded my papers for you
Caught at the border, I’m blue
Caught short on the way to the loo
Teary eyes from the smell of the poo
Ooo-wee
All the risks I’m willing to take
But you’re hung up on my one mistake
It doesn’t have to be make or break
Having fun down by the lake
You know what I mean
I can’t help being a lover
I guess I’ve just got one of those faces
And I go under the covers
On an extremely regular basis
So if you should see me
With a pair of strangers legs on my shoulders
And my face is covered in something creamy
I’m just being a lover
I can’t help being a lover now, honey
Although I have provided a ring
I have never promised a thing
I searched the laws of marriage on Bing
There’s not a word against adultering
I sleep with 50 women a night
All the husbands ask for a fight
I was nice enough to turn off the light
So I don’t know why they think they have the right
Fuck off, guys
(Chrous twice)
I can’t help being a lover!
I came up with the song 50 yards away
4) Click My Fingers
You know that I’m fond of a party
But this is getting out of hand
Goodbye Mary, Goodbye Marty
What exactly is it that you don’t understand?
If I’m to procure the “sucky”
Privacy’s Imperative
Although I have gotten lucky
Something’s surely got to give
If I could click my fingers
And everyone would be clear
And all of the doubt that lingers
Would suddenly disappear
You and me left alone now
Finally have some peace
Would you be kind and show how
To find a sweet release?
She whispered “let’s go to the park”
The blaring music left behind
I’m not frightened of the dark
But, fuck, this zipper’s hard to find
Trousers ‘round my ankles, darling
Everything is going great
Then two blokes with cans of Carling
Shout “nice tits love” and “go on mate!”
I needed you here in my bed
We needed them like a hole in the head
An awkward goodbye but I’ve kept my zen
Knowing that I won’t see you again
(Repeat Chorus Twice)
If I could click my fingers
If I could click my fingers
If I could click my fingers
Na-na-na-na-na
Our first and only sellout crowd
5) Party Drug
Just wait 'til I get paid, babe
I'm gonna sort you out
I'll take you to a warehouse rave
I'll take you all about
I'm gonna buy the best gear
I'm gonna buy the lot
We'll be feeling bulletproof
While they're all taking shots
I'll keep it all in cash, dear
I'll count up the stacks
I'll bang and bang and bang and bang
Until your window cracks
You'll hang around my doorstep
Waiting for your fix
And when I bring the baggie out
Both of us lick our lips
This plastic bag's our ticket
For a few moment's fun
Most of it goes up your nose
The rest you rub on your gums
And all around our noses
There's red blotches on our skin
Laying taking shallow breaths
With heartstrings wearing thin
My mind's a mess and it's not mine
I'm not me anymore
Swapping pounds for powder
And passing out on the floor
I feel as if I've murdered you
On the streets we sleep, far from snug
But I thought "oh, what harm can it do?"
It's just a party
Just a party
Just a party drug
(Repeat last 4 stanzas)
With Tiago’s grandparents in Vialonga
6) Everybody Is In Love With You
Our souls can't help being pulled
Into your orbit and then lulled
Into a sense of loving bliss
Only to be struck by fists
Come one come all she's up for grabs
But like bucketful of crabs
They knock and drag each other down
Another night out on the town
But me, let's see, I'm off me nut
I take my credit card and cut
Straight through all of my dreary blue
Cuz I'm too far away from you
I push past all the men who wear
Their Calvin Klein fake underwear
But just as I come up to speak
I feel a fist hit on my cheek
When I went to sleep I was almost over it
I'm in far deep and my god I'm knowing it
They're all at the peak but I have had enough of you
Everybody is in love with you
Staring at the door as I'm planning my get away
Wearing your Dior you won't save it for better day
Daring on the floor but in bed you don't know what to do
Still everybody is in love with you
I see you there in someone's arms
Will he ensnare you with charms
But no it seems he's got the sack
You laugh at him behind his back
It seems my friends all want a go
They fix their hair put on a show
But you're a master at this game
They return heads hung in shame
Gorgeous face and high heeled shoes
You can afford to pick and choose
But I seem to end the night
With a lady don't really like
Don't ask us how bad it went
We're mutally ambivalent
Mediocrity and pain
Maybe I should try again
(Repeat Chorus)
I'm pulling out all the stops
I wear my crisp white umbro top
Red hair flows it looks supreme
Like an ocean of baked beans
My confidence is on steroids
I feel I'll never be destroyed
I drink until I'm half asleep
When she arrives I'm on my feet
And now seems like the greatest time
To slur out my best pick up line
I'd put to death every star in space
To spend one night in your embrace
She doesn't go a lot on that
I have been chewwed up and spat
And although I'm not over it yet
I'll fry my brain and try to forget
(Repeat Chorus)
Lovely picture taken at Christmastime
7) Synchronise
Synchronise with me
Stop lagging behind
Or overtaking, please
We've lost our sense of timing, and
The pattern that i thought
We were it's not what it seemed
The peacefulness I sought
Will linger on in dreams
Is this chance or is this fate?
Did I meet you a year too late?
Am I too fast, are you too slow?
Or am I lagging behind as you just go?
The heat goes up, my clothes feel tight
I want to throw them to the night
Both our breathing speeding up
Once so perfect now corrupt
When I was in your light
We were the diamond pair
Running through the night
And ending up nowhere
You laughed, you took a drag
Smoked and spoke a silent past
The day I chose the flag
To hang upon my mast
(Repeat chorus)
Look at the mess we're in
Airing my messages
Seeing you less than I'd like
Dying forget-me-nots
Somebody took my spot
Smiling and sharing a mic
I dream of you a lot
It's meaningless, I'm sure
You push me out the airlock
Of the spaceship we're aboard
Behind my helmet's glass
A single tear runs down my cheek
Maybe I should ask
When you are free next week
Preaching the good lord’s word
8) Light Of The Lord
We're all one colour in the light of the Lord
We're all one colour in the light of the Lord
We're all one colour in the light of the Lord
And the Lord he made us all
The stars and stripes on the hurst
And the handgun in the purse
You only need to look around you
to see it's getting worse
The kids under the desks
Are hiding heartbeats in their chests
The hate was brewed, for years it stewed
Yet they say this country's blessed
(Repeat chorus twice)
In the east they face the plight
They're stripped of all their rights
Taken from their homes to death camps
In the dead of night
Gunpoint knife and fork
They are forced to eat the pork
Haram meals, barbed wire and and steel
And yet nobody talks
(Repeat chorus twice)
We must learn to co-exist
Open arms replace the fists
On both sides of the divide
More dead have joined the list
The armies they command
Will wage a battle over land
Which once was theirs, but nothing compares
To standing hand in hand
(Repeat chorus four times)
Tiago writing The Desert Song
9) The Desert Song
Dust in the air I just can’t seem to catch my breath
Dryness in my eyes and there’s sand up in my chest
Words I wrote stuck in my throat, I think I’m gonna choke to death
Craving sleep and sweet release, can’t seem to get no rest
Immortality, to me, it seems the greatest curse
I try my best but nonetheless I can’t think of something worse
My never-ending hankering to be inside a hearse
Is useless like the pennies in the bottom of a purse
Lost in the desert, disintegrated dreams
Don’t think I’ll ever make it out it seems
If Death’s scythe would hook me in I surely would be glad
No longer hung up on these memories I never even had
Travelling for centuries, my sandals fell apart
Waves of sadness, high and dry, attrition on my heart
Snakes are sliding up my leg they hiss giving it large
St Patrick is so far away, but here in a mirage
Thinking back on a thousand years to see where I went wrong
My mind is clouded up, my frontal cortex hit the bong
Stood there laughing, thirsty for a brand new pair of thongs
Lost track of the metaphor that’s supposed to be in this song
(Repeat chorus)
Miles and miles of endless sand dunes
I don’t wanna stay, I don’t wanna stay
All I wanna do is wake up
In another way, in another way
Drinking water from a cactus
The only speck of green, only speck of green
Upon this beige and barren landscape
Now it all just seems an uninspiring dream
The end it never seems to come, I’ve been here far too long
I bought a custom birthday card on funkypigeon.com
Up on the wall in an Andorran bar
10) Darker
And now you’re taking me somewhere darker
With your teeth you leave your marker
Like the meat frozen in the larder
Drinking spirits in the sun with the Holy Father
Nature turns it’s back like an absent mother
A blanket of black, the sun asleep under covers
The stars burn and boil, spitting sparks at each other
The same way I yearn for the touch of my lover
I hold the hand that won the fistfight
A side-effect of the city nightlife
Leave my neck looking like a bombsite
My head’s a wreck, losing blood from love bites
The Devil’s Deck, that’s the cards you’re dealing
The pain of purity will soon be healing
The paint of pearly white will soon be peeling
Tainted hearts filled with carnal feelings
The ties in my synapses torn apart
And I’m hanging on the edge of my seat
The hot sweats some, my soul stops and starts
And my heart sings your name when it beats
Indulging in the agony I’m going through
And I’m screaming for you to slow down
I’m mesmerised by the sight of you
You’re my Queen with your thorny crown
You have to ask yourself “why fight desire?”
Why be calm and cold, you could be lighting fires
Loving and laughing as the flames climb higher
A crowd’s the difference between liar and messiah
The lower I go, the more I see you a saviour
Dance through devastation like a demon raver
Where’s the reward for my bad behaviour?
I’m feeling kind so I’ll do you the flavour
Warm-lipped kisses and infernal flirting
The hands are unsteady and the eyes slowly searching
I pray that these wounds will never stop hurting
From pale skin to dry blood, the colours inverting
Your smile could start riots, your jaw could cut diamonds
Knock my heart out of sync when you tease with your timing
I pick up my pen and I write down my findings
Kindness and cruelty combining, colliding
(Repeat chorus twice)
Wrote Garden of Eden
while on shift
11) Garden Of Eden
Promises only pain
The only thing a flower says is that it's rained
And every time I'm acting up I'm begging to be tamed
So before the summer sun comes
and burns out my brains
Won't you
Wrap your cold hands around my blushing face
Make me bite the dynamite to tell you how it tastes
Tell me that you want me to remain in your embrace
My heart once beat slow but now it quickens it's pace
Christmas day, it seemed the genesis of love
You're not an angel, just a devil from above
Another kind of love, the kind I'm thinking of
A hungry bird of prey while I am just a dove
And if there comes a day when I'm forced into leaving
This gorgeous mirage of the Garden of Eden
It won't be the fruit but your heart that I'm stealing
My love, all the powers above would be seething
In an eternal inferno I'd burn
While you would remain amongst flowers and fern
And every now and then your head would turn
For the sound of a voice you can almost discern
Christmas day, it seemed the genesis of love
You're not an angel, just a devil from above
Another kind of love, the kind I'm thinking of
A hungry bird of prey while I am just a dove
And all these other boys, well they just aren't the same
You're drawing out my blood and spelling out my name
And once again, I've fallen for a jealous game
They lied, said you were shy, and then they told me you were tame
(Repeat second verse)
With the eventual producer
12) Munter Munter Munter
Additives are made in labs, put in pizzas and kebabs
You are a big fat munter
You just fill your face with shite when you have been out all night
You are a big fat munter
You have eaten too much food, very fat and very rude
You are a big fat munter
Looking through the fridge again, cans of tango never ever end
You are a big fat munter
Woah-oh-oh, people out there starving
Your eyes on the chicken that you’re carving
Yeah-eh-eh, biting on your burger
You greedy pig, to eat meat you’d murder
Full is something you don’t feel, thinking about your next meal
You are a big fat munter
Eating steak and vindaloo, you’re a cow, moo-moo-moo-moo
You are a big fat munter
Monster burger, melted cheese, 20,000 calories
You are a big fat munter
You are feasting every day, favourite math is take away
You are gonna rot away
Am-nam-nam-nam mmm, mmm
Am-nam-nam-nam mmm, mmm
Am-nam-nam-nam mmm, mmm
Am-nam-nam-nam mmm, ooooooo
(Repeat chorus)
Use your hands no knife and fork, mouth is full you shouldn’t talk
You are a big fat munter
Licking food up off the plate, Colonel Sanders is your mate
You are a big fat munter
Animals you’re slaughtering, and your mouth is watering
You are a big fat munter
Sneaking food into the club, you can’t see your cunt to rub
You are a big fat munter
munter (fat) munter (fat) munter (fat munter)
munter (fat) munter (fat) munter (fat munter)
munter (fat) munter (fat) munter (fat munter)
munter (fat) munter (fat) munter (fat munter)
munter munter munter munter
munter munter munter munter
munter munter munter munter
munteeeeer!
Genuinely couldn’t get in
13) Popworld
The seventeen years that you’ve been alive
Are simply not enough to enter into this dive
So you Tippex over the 2005
You hold your driver’s license as they start to arrive
It’s 10PM and you move through the queue
Fingers fucking freezing and your lips have gone blue
Put on your deepest voice, the bouncers talking to you
But he turns you away and there’s nothing you can do
Some have a knack for blagging but you’ve found that you lack it
Might get a mate to sneak you in stuck up his jacket
Crouching in a pouch, in a baccy packet
But he’s stuttering and sweating, no, he really can’t hack it
Back again over the following days
You try to slip him a fiver but he won’t accept pay
You pretend that you’re French, “ne parle pas Anglais”
But he knows you’re talking bollocks and he says “fuck off mate”
Getting into Popworld is the hardest task of all
Every chance I get I seem to piss it up the wall
Heart rate slowly rising then I feel a sudden fall
Stood here on the street, the winter breeze is icy cool
Tried Halloween security uniforms
But you’re soon found out, you’re left feeling forlorn
There’s been felt-tip beards and fake moustaches worn
Looking like you walked out of some 70s porn
No stubble but you’re stubborn, you just have to get in
Tried sneaking in the back door, you was hidden in a bin
But not matter what the plan is you just can’t seem to win
You’re at the door again, you know his patience is thin
By now he knows your face and you know he can’t bare ya
You’ve formed a sort of rivalry like Keane and Vieira
He’s giving you the evils and he’s trying to scare ya
But you stare back even harder, like “go on I dare ya”
But this time you make it in, you can hardly believe it
Although almost instantly you just feel like leaving
You bump into a bloke holding his stomach and heaving
But his horrid sick is sprayed from the floor to ceiling
I’m going to sing the song now
(Repeat Chorus Twice)
“End of chapter one”
14) Torture
Hit me with a brick
Hit me with a stick
Hit me in the dick
Do me in
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
I’m gonna die of blood loss
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
Come and toss me off
Take me to your heart?
Nah, take me to your shack
You dirty fucking tart
Come and give me a whack
(Repeat Chorus)
Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough
Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough
Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough
Come and have a go if you think that you’re hard enough
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
It hurts so fucking much
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
I’m gonna die of blood loss
(Torture)
She left her legs out in the rain
The doctors couldn’t fix her
And when I said I wanted pain
She put me in the cement mixer
Oh!
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
Please fucking make it stop
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
I’m gonna die of blood loss
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
Fuck, fuck, fuck
Torture, ahh
Torture, ahh
I’m gonna die of blood loss
Torture
PREVIOUS GIGS
The Angel
27th August 2022
Headline
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Humble beginnings... certainly a humble beginning to the gig when I fell ass over tit trying to get me leg up on Macca’s shoulder during the first song (after the striptease). Let’s face it, we were quite crap - rapping Santan Dave songs over the riff from Sweet Child O’Mine to a rightfully disinterested crowd of about 40, most of which fucked off to the smoking area which I also would’ve absolutely done. One of A Kind was the first song Four Blokes ever played live, carrying on with Mango and Party Drug and Popworld and all them man as well as a Vaccines cover, an acapella Fly Me To The Moon, and I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor (it is compulsory for any shite band in a pub to cover this). We ended the set with Munter Munter Munter, reading the lyrics off of a phone. Shambles but you have to start somewhere. Should be noted that this pub has since closed, and re-opened with a decidedly more Brexitesque decor.
The Loft
25th October 2022
Supporting Auden
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Tragically, this may have been the peak. Over 200 drunk, drugged-up teenagers loving every second of it. We opened with Cara which would become the tradition for many gigs to come... in Mango everyone was shouting Mango along with the song, and when I made some crap joke about the Peckham fruit market and the crowd actually laughed I knew it was gonna be one of those nights where everything miraculously goes right. Most of the usual songs were present but notable additions were a cover of Irish rebel song “Men Behind The Wire”, me leaving the stage for Tiago to do his song Coast of Guinea before returning to do my solo spot with Fly Me To The Moon again.. well it would’ve been a solo spot had Jan not invaded the stage for a wee sing song. Also did an impromptu version of Torture as people were shouting up requests for it, and made a facetime call to Swindon. Fairly good entertainment value I’d like to think - costume changes and all.
Heartbreakers
26th January 2023
Headline
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I was quite chuffed with this one as well - nice to sell out a venue on your third gig I suppose... highlights of this night were getting everyone to do a wall of death for our “heaviest song yet” only to play When I’m 64, not one but two performances of our new version of Torture (joined on stage by the rusty bicycle wheel or something.. basically yer man out of Auden and some fella from Kilmarnock), and Myles singing Boy’s Don’t Cry while I developed carpal tunnel behind the drumkit. Played all the Four Blokes standards as well as a new gospel song Light of The Lord and covers of Sham 69 and Rubberbandits tunes. A fun day out for all the family.
Basingstoke Memorial Skatepark
17th June 2023
Other
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Singing to aging stoners in a skatepark in Basingstoke was not on my bucket list but certainly a fun experience - the drummer dropping in the half pipe while the singer gets on the skins must be a first. Weird little setlist that we made up as we went along, basically what we played later that day at the Joiners but all in the wrong order. In retrospect, a slightly strange decision to agree to sing in a skatepark in a different city the same day as our biggest headline yet... But worth it to have Tiago singing backing vocals into a megaphone cellotaped to a sackbarrow, looking out at some six year old doing tricks on his razor scooter.
The Joiners
17th June 2023
Headline
| It could be said we “rocked” and “rolled” |
The Joiners... hallowed ground. A venue that has hosted the likes of Green Day, Oasis, SCAB... and now Four Blokes. Headlining the Joiners had been the goal since the start and, as we stood outside with our gear - next to a bin heaving with decomposing food waste, surrounded by flies and chewed up old sofa cushions - we felt like proper rock stars. All the usual suspects were there... Cara, Mango, Popworld, Torture (twice again) .. now joined by new original I Can't Help Being A Lover and covers such as "Girls as well as Boys" by Blur and Spanish Bombs by the Clash.. we also wheeled Marco Polo out the retirement home, a song as old as time - written in 2018, recorded with my previous band [SCUM] in 2020 but never before performed in the broad light of day. Decent crowd of 130 gathered for a glorious evening of “music”. Surely it's just up and up from here on out...
The Joiners
1st September 2023
Supporting Colour TV
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We took a wee break after the Joiners headline... I travelled through Europe, Tiago went home to sort out some “unfinished business” in Vialonga, George became addicted to vapes and Myles was replaced by a Polish man called Dawid. We were booked up by “This Feeling” to support some Cornish men on their Southampton tour date. Pretty standard stuff, 9 typical originals plus a new cover of Is This It by The Strokes and Baa Baa Black Sheep... we hadn’t any wool but we had some nice banter with the old men gathered in the corner. I was serving cunt in me crop top.
Winchester Shopping Centre
14th September 2023
Other
14th September 2023
Other
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“Hello!” Said the woman from HMV Winchester. “Come and rock... bring physical media!” And so we did. The drum kit was loaded into an Uber XL - the driver was unable to distinguish between HMV Winchester and HMP Winchester and began to drive us to serenade some prisoners. We ironed that out and arrived outside a shopping centre. We soon realised, crucial components of our drum kit were missing... and so we went to the local stationary shop. The hi-hat was held together by some rubbers, and instead of drumsticks we had cellotaped dowels together... to top it all off we had to use a plastic chair from a milkshake shop as a snare stand. After the scramble for stationary, we were ready to perform. It was a fairly standard set, except for the fact we were performing in the middle of a shopping centre facing a Primark, performing to a crowd of college students seated in a children’s soft play area, and I had to promote HMV’s freshers week raffle for a record player. Nice bit of crowd work with the local shoppers if I do say so myself. As for our CDs sold in HMV... we had used the wrong file type for most of the songs so if you inserted it in a CD player you would hear 2 of Tiago’s Demos and 3 minutes of me destroying a brick wall with a jackhammer, including dialogue with a passerby who wanted to use the jackhammer... I permitted him to do so. This 3 track CD was sold by the over-a-century-old reputable retailer HMV under the name “The World’s Most Expensive Bowl of Porridge”. 4 of the 20 copies I supplied sold, and the rest have since been destroyed, thank Christ.
Heartbreakers
23rd September 2023
Supporting Charlie and the Oscillator
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None amongst the living nor the dead can deny this was our worst gig. We took the stage at 10:30 PM, before a crowd of ALMOST FIVE practically dripping with anticipatory fluid. In this “intimate performance” we swept the floor with a real broom, and covered both Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Für Elise. I’m not entirely sure the headliner bothered performing... |
The Loft (Portsmouth)
10th November 2023
Headline
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| The campest men in the most murderous city |
My decision to book out the little venue above The King’s Pub in Portsmouth May have been slightly misguided. A small crowd of grandmothers and non-binary folk gathered around as I sang some songs in my homemade vagina t-shirt. Myles filled in on bass for this gig as Tiago had managed to book a headline for solo band on the same day. This meant we were without a crucial piece of the personality puzzle that made the four of us work, leading to general gloominess and a released handbreak... our unusual setlist that night included a live debut for Click My Fingers, with its false waltz opening, as well as covers of “Le Temps D’Amour” and “Mr. Tony Brightside”... both of which I had to read the words off of a notepad for. I indulged the locals in a few lines of “Oh When The Saints” during Popworld as a sneaky bit of football moggery... but this did very little to spark joy on a gloomy gloomy night.
The Joiners
1st December 2023
Supporting Silverline
| I wield a hammer... can you see my hammer? |
The contrast between the abject despair of Portsmouth and the buoyancy of this night is rather stark. “Why is this gig so fondly remembered?” you may ask to an unloving digital display. Well, you inquisitive little moth, it’s all down to one song... and it’s not one of the eight originals we performed while opening for Silverline alongside The Parlours. The song was by Paul McCartney, arguably the greatest songwriter of all time, and this song was his finest. His magnum opus. This song was Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. Each Bang! Bang! accented with a strike upon my uncle’s bricklaying trowel with a lump hammer. My very own lump hammer from my very own toolkit... I must say this was a good crowd, energetic and fashionable with many a haircut fit for Bucharest fashion week. Among their ranks, a certain Tom Norman caught his first glimpse of Four Blokes...
HMV Southampton
22nd December 2023
Radio Show
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| Spreading cheer on the airwaves! |
The powers that be at Outreach Radio allowed us to address the whole county with “The Four Blokes Christmas Bonanza”. We had been given our first spin on the wireless by this station, when Turkish friend of the band Onür played I Can’t Help Being A Lover back in April. We “wrapped up” 2023 (Huzzah! A Christmas pun) by hanging around at the back of HMV and having our every vibration broadcast live to every corner of Hampshire. Cara and Mango and Party Drug and Popworld all showed up as per usual, but this time they were joined by a dulcetly crooned cover of “Jingle Bells”. Even Torture was performed with a dose of merriment and mirth. As we stopped screaming (not after frightening a family with young children who had likely wandered in on our “performance” while doing some last minute Crimble shopping) the performance was concluded with a hearty “HO HO HO, MEEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS!”. After a short interview in which we shouted out Sholing Chef Chinese Takeaway, we headed out for a few Christmas pints of lager (not unlike normal pints of lager, but consumed at Christmastime). |
The Joiners
21st January 2024
Supporting Belle Dame
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We heard our Portuguese pals over at Belle Dame HQ calling out steadfastly into the evening. The call was “Four Blokes needed here!”. As George was off galavanting with a load of dossers, a drummer would need to be loaned in for this gig. I located him at the Lidl Young Boys F.C. Christmas Quiz, in the lounge, when I found out Charlie the firework salesman was also a drummer... I had neglected to learn this information in the previous 3 years I had been acquainted with him. After a few rehearsals we were ready to rock again. It was the same old set we’d been playing for about 6 gigs now, baring minor alterations - this time the minor alteration was the addition of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” complete with Pornhub drum intro. After finishing yet another performance of Torture, we wandered off to play snooker. Dawid went alone into the night, never to be seen again...
Heartbreakers
15th March 2024
Headline
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Heartbreakers
20th July 2024
Supporting Bishopskin
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The lack of rehersal for the previous gig lead to a lackluster performance and half the band leaving. The lack of rehersal for this gig lead to a delightful spontaneity - with half the setlist being decided on the day of the gig - while somehow simultaneously having no negative effect on the quality of the rocking. Bright, tight, and a right old knees up. With One Lung's drummer departing we bought in Issac from Auden - not bad for little old Four Blokes - and Lewis was brought in after expressing interest in an Instagram DM to complete this temporary summer line-up. We opened with Not Worth Hearing, playing a song off our second album for the first time before the first album had even been released... Maxwell's Silver Hammer made a return, now in three movements of varying speeds and sonic levels. A brief version of The Parlour's "Urban Cowboy" was played, changed to "Urban Tandoor" with lyrics to match. Light of The Lord became an even sillier arrangement for the second gig running - not sure what the Christian headliners made of us playing it but if they scan the album notebook for its lyrics they'll find only serious political comment. Torture, the standard closure. Somewhere in between were the only three songs to have been played at all Four Blokes gigs to date... Mango was more or less in its original form, Party Drug now featured a saxophone, but it was Popworld that was the most profoundly changed - the entirety of Auden's fairy lights was played in between the 2nd verse and bridge. While a fairly routine Heartbreakers support slot was not exactly the most important night of our musical careers, it was one of the most fun. A happy wee memory... The Hobbit 31st August 2024 Headline 
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1865
29th September 2024
Music In The City
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The most Four Blokes end of an era you could possibly have imagined. Not a single rehearsal was done for this “set” as Tom and Isaac were already off to uni - luckily they were already down for the weekend to play a set together on a moving ferry, swarmed by Korean fans. Ollie was unavailable so Tiago came back on loan for one last ride. We were playing our biggest ever venue in aid of the free Southampton festival “Music In The City”. However... 2 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon as part of a free festival is not when you want to be playing your biggest ever venue. As I stood on the stage, for the first time I couldn’t see the audience - I knew there were only about 13 people there because I’d been stood down there 30 seconds ago - but I couldn’t see the look in their eyes! They were plunged into darkness! We performed beneath a giant screen that said “FOUR BLOKES” and then the time so we knew how long we had until we had to fuck off. We didn’t feel rushed, though - we only had 7 and a half songs anyways! Despite being completely sober I went stir crazy - volleying tambourines, shouting “ROONEY!”, laughing uncontrollably... I was having rather a lot of fun up there. It was all just so absurd. We managed 7 whole Four Blokes songs before plunging into “Song in the Chord of A”, which was me drumming, Tom and Tiago repeatedly playing the A chord, and Isaac swapping between tambourine and harmonica. Tom began to count down the seconds to 14:30 in the giant digital clock. “3... 2... 1... happy new year”. A crescendo. End of chapter one. Little did he know we were supposed to play for another 10 minutes. Oh well... whatever next?
PREVIOUS RELEASES
25th April 2022
Single
One of a Kind
1st July 2022
Single
Mango
21st September 2022
Single
Slices of Urinal Cake
25th April 2023
EP
1) I Can’t Help Being A Lover
2) Party Drug
3) Light of The Lord
4) Popworld
Torture
7th November 2023
Single
Synchronise
21st September 2024
Single
Special thanks
A ginormous thank you to Tiago not only for co-writing many of of the songs and playing most of the instruments on the record but also for recording the whole thing on his laptop and especially for picking up production for the last 8 songs, making it possible to FINALLY release this.
A moderately sized thank you to Finn for mastering 6 of the tracks - didn't quite get to halfway but the ones he did were fantastic and full of ingenuity. If you want to put a song out and you aren't in a rush call him up.
Thanks to my dad for being on the cover and letting us use his shed to record the album - we may have done a lot of drugs in there unbeknownst to him but hey-ho.
Lastly thank you very very much to our long-suffering supporters - you will not have to wait nearly as long for the second album. Until next time...
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